Maybe, just maybe, we need to quit telling each other to re-charge.
Listen, I understand the hypocrisy coming from a guy who has written two books on how to be #FullyCharged. And yes, I still boldly believe and support everything in those books, but I think we are in a danger zone.
Joe Mullikin (@joemullikin86) prompted me to think about this. He said maybe enough is enough on this topic and then we had a great dialogue processing through this. To be clear, ‘enough is enough’ on telling people to re-charge, not on the importance of educators taking care of themselves.
During our exchange, he gave a very illustrative example that really helped this sink in for me. He was talking about his staff (a Leader in Me school) occasionally being frustrated and that he has overheard the comment, “If I am told to sharpen the saw one more time . . . “
So, I think it is appropriate to start with the realization that I truly understand the purpose in saying to someone that they need to re-charge. And quite frankly, I say it a lot. The intent is to show someone that you see them. You know really see them – that when something is off or someone is not themselves that you are invested enough to notice and care.
Particularly in the education-world it is important to recognize the demands of the job and the emotional toll it can take on educators. So, a focus on the well-being of educators is necessary, but perhaps the over-emphasis on encouraging others to ‘take some time for you’ or ‘re-charge’ is being overdone and just maybe is counter-productive.
I think there are several danger zones that we should explore in helping to illustrate why telling someone to re-charge – without context – may not be the appropriate advice.
Self-awareness
The deeper I get into the work of trying to maximize our energy and do the things to charge myself up one thing continues to become more and more apparent. Without true self-awareness re-charging is not possible. And self-awareness is a finicky beast. It is often difficult to be truly self-aware without deep personality profile work, a feedback rich environment, or deep reflection guided through coaching or mentoring. OR, I should say it is possible, but not sustainable. If we are not deeply self-aware of what our drivers are, our fears, and where our passions exist then it becomes really difficult to consistently and intentionally fill one’s bucket.
For example, many members of my team will get ready for Spring Break with trips all over the country and talk about how great it will be to come back refreshed. Ten days later everyone is exhausted. The same goes for Fridays when we cannot wait to go out and unwind and instead end up less productive on Saturday and with anxiety on Sunday.
Until we have the courage to honestly examine ourselves or allow ourselves to be vulnerable to an accountability partner in order to figure out what makes us tick and refuels our bucket then we most likely will keep shooting at the wrong basket. Now, are there universal winners like putting healthy food in your body, getting exercise, flexing your spiritual muscles, and spending time with those you love most – absolutely! But I know the thing that best re-charges me is quiet, solitude, and reading or listening materials that allow my mind to wrestle with complex problems. This is about as far away from a night out or other default solutions to re-charging as one can imagine – but we often think of unwinding as the latter instead of the former.
The danger then lies in continually telling people to take some time to re-charge when they have no idea or concept of how to do it. Moreover, many people probably have tried what they think to be the right methodologies in the past without success. So, when you push them to re-charge it borders on infuriating because someone that may well already be overwhelmed now feels as though they are inadequate at one more thing.
Time (self) – Management
There are people that are so overwhelmed they feel as though they do not have the time to commit to re-charging their own batteries. Imagine how infuriating it would be to have three kids all going different directions over the weekend on top of needing to perform 18 other ‘adulting’ responsibilities and be told to take time for yourself this weekend and re-charge.
The internal reaction must be priceless, “IF I HAD TIME TO TAKE FOR MYSELF I WOULD BE TAKING IT, YOU, IDIOT” or something to that effect.
The bottom line is this – people with time management issues do not have time management issues. Let me repeat that – we misdiagnose and attempt to treat this issue in the wrong all the time. People with time management issues DO NOT have time management issues.
We all have the 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. Nobody can manage time. The only thing we can manage is ourselves. So, when someone feels this overwhelmed it is because they are actually that overwhelmed. In this case, re-charging is not the solution. The solution has to deal with an abundance of other behaviors that need to be identified and coached – not simply re-charging.
“You should start working out”
The overarching phrase ‘Take some time to re-charge’ somewhat implies that person is not ‘charged-up’ or as I prefer #FullyCharged. J First of all, it is presumptuous in believing that we somehow know what is best for someone or at what level of ‘charge’ they may be at. That aside, consider this scenario. What would happen if you randomly walked up to people and told them to get fit – how would that go over? We all know the physical, psychological, and emotional benefits of working out, but we don’t go up to someone who looks a little soft in the middle and state something like that. It sounds completely unhinged to do something like that. But somehow, it has become commonplace when it comes to someone’s energy or socio-emotional well-being.
The Bottom Line
The emotional and mental health of educators (all people) must be considered in what we do as individuals and leaders of systems. That said, the phraseology of encouraging people to re-charge may be presumptuous and quite possibly may add stress to the individual. So, my hope is that we keep each other’s well-being at the top of our mind, but also remember context matters when delivering unsolicited advice to those we work with and for.
And if I may do so, when you feel compelled to offer ‘take care of yourself’ or ‘sharpen your saw’ or ‘re-charge’ as a bit of advice (and I need this reminder too) perhaps we simply ask people how they are doing and listen to understand. Trust me, if they want advice or coaching it will be clear. And if they need to vent or do not want to disclose the information at the time – then that is their prerogative. Trust me, the fact you asked – if you do it sincerely – is enough to let the person know you have ‘seen’ them and it will be appreciated.