I am about to turn 40. I definitely do not have anxiety about turning 40 or anything like that, but there is something about a round number such as this that makes you take inventory.
So, as I sit here and try to capture the thoughts I have had in this – the strangest of all of my adult years – I do so with an acute awareness of how lucky I am to be turning 40 happily married, with 4 awesome kids, a job I love (most of the time), and relative health. Said differently, I write this year’s message with more gratitude than usual and still probably less gratitude than I should.
Thank you to all of you who have helped to make this year and the many before it pretty damn great. New rule from two years ago for myself. . . each musing is limited to at most a general topic and no more than three sentences or three bullet points to support my thought. Also, added some favorite pics this year. Some musings will be repeated from year to year – just because I continue to believe in them that much.
Let’s go . . .
Man, social media. Doomscrolling is a curse. We are what we think and consume – if all you consume is negativity, it will become all you think.
Many people have not shared their wildest personal and professional ambitions with the people they love the most for fear of coming up short or placing unintentional pressure on the other party. To me, this is incredibly sad. If this is you, tell them . . . Time is a finite resource. Spend it as such.
Hey autocorrect, it is NEVER, EVER ‘ducking’
Stress manifests itself in different ways for each of us – but make no mistake that it manifests. Listen to your body – and perhaps more importantly, to your mind. Take care of yourself.
FIRSTS THIS YEAR: Caught a fish, went snorkeling (kind of), flew on a private jet, completed a 60-mile bike ride, lost in a game of one on one to Jameson (when I was trying)
The best book I read this year was Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. If you can handle the profanity (not a problem for me) – then no book will challenge you more if you fancy yourself as someone who works hard.
Quarantine life would have been SO different 20 years ago. Thinking about that and all of the progress and privileges I have helps me remain grateful even when my life does not look exactly how I want it to in the moment.
My boys got perms this year – that is a thing?
I take too few pictures. Except when I buy a massive steak and I am about to grill it. Wonderful moment I do not want to ever forget with my kids – what picture? Big ass Cowboy steak, let me get my phone!!
Schools have been in session multiple months; I have not seen anyone be befallen with any of the mask-related calamities people were so worried about.
I have been called more names in the past six months than ever in my life – my favorite is Dr. Capussy. (excuse the language) I have no idea how I avoided this through Junior High.
I am the one person I know who hates jet skis.
We often use not having enough time as an excuse, but I think what the initial quarantine phase demonstrated is that for most of us we do not do things we do not like doing – it has nothing to do with time. If we want to do something, we find a way. If not, we find an excuse.
The way each family deals with COVID is probably filled with hypocrisy. I know mine is – I shake my head at anyone eating in a restaurant, but let my son play basketball. I have my reasons, but maybe we should just judge others less.
I bought the boys socks with my face on them this year and Jacquie a swimsuit with the same. The boys wear theirs a lot more often.
People tend to use data to support their prior opinions, but do not trust data enough to allow it to force them into new ways of thinking.
It is not hard to find things you are grateful for if you can pause your mind from the constant stimulation of the outside world to think about it for three or four minutes each day.
My work voicemail gives my cell and tells people to call that number. If you are a salesperson and leave a message, I will most likely not ever choose to work with you.
I have slept in the same residence as my wife every day since March 13th of this year. That is BY FAR the longest stretch of our relationship and a silver lining of living in the Age of COVID.
Way more people want to WIN conversations than actually influence someone else’s heart, mind, beliefs.
I worked really hard at something and failed in a relatively grand manner this year. That hurt. But in the end, it will help me get better.
Other random book recommendations: Greenlights, Extreme Ownership, Think Like a Monk, Daring Greatly, Unfu*k Yourself
Increasing self-awareness is the quickest path forward to becoming better at EVERYTHING.
This will be the last year that I will be the highest jumper in my household.
I search my buddies’ wives Facebook pages to find stuff to make fun of them for . . .
If you are waiting for everything to be right before you take a risk, choose to lead, go hard – you will be waiting forever.
All time quote that was hanging in my best friend’s room growing up that I saw again this year . . . “Tell my father I died with my face to the enemy.”
In 2020 we should not be comfortable with someone’s zip code determining the quality of their education.
I have thrown away snail mail advertisements from the same companies for 8 years. What business logistics model tells them to keep sending them to me?
It is ALWAYS okay to be where you are at emotionally. Overwhelmed – fine / Scared – fine / It just is not okay to stay there and not TRY to work forward.
My wife is WAY more “handy” (not handsy – unfortunately) than I am. I mean, nobody that knows us had any doubt on this, but I felt it was time I tell myself the truth.
We all have choices to make – every single day and in every single situation. We often blame others, but it is really about us not having more agency in our own lives – the truth is that we simply forget that we have choice in everything we do.
I am afraid of the virus. I think more people are than are willing to admit. I think we would be better off if everyone told their truth.
Still do not get the obsession with In N Out
Annual reminder of saying you are humbled when receiving a recognition does not make much sense . . . it has become commonplace, but still does not make sense if you check out the definition.
Jameson was telling me about some young Chicago rappers who have beef and how multiple Chicago rappers have been killed recently and it sounded like he was speaking Mandarin. I felt really old.
I have had three people deeply challenge me in the last two months. They were direct and did not mince words. Those people helped me grow.
Music on throughout the day always makes it better. I wish adults shared playlists more often – like mix tapes back in the day.
I get unusual pride in watching the littles eat meat off of a bone.
Nuance matters. There are very few things in life that are binary. When we try to make life an either/or proposition we often alienate more people than change their initial position and simplify complex issues in our own mind.
Apologies do not cost anything and the best apology is changed behavior.
Do not allow yourselves to move the goalposts. Constantly changing what ‘success’ looks like is a good way to actively steal your own joy. Other joy stealers – guilt and comparison. Do not do this to yourself.
Progress builds on itself. What happened that was amazing or horrible to you this year LIKELY built on decisions made previously. The best expression of this I have heard is that I cashed checks in my 30s that I wrote in my 20s. Success does not happen overnight and neither does failure.
More signs I am getting old – I enjoy a coffee after dinner, I use shampoo to help my hair not fall out, I always remember sunscreen.
The art of leadership is largely a calculated guess as to how a group of humans will respond to a stimulus that you intentionally deploy. The point being that it is an inexact science. We should quit treating it as a simple checklist of characteristics or actions.
Anthony struggles saying his Ls. And while I want him to get that fixed, it is so damn adorable I kind of want it to last as long as it can.
Did you know if you have Google Calendar you can TURN OFF alerts when people respond to invitations? Game changer when inviting many people an event.
We got to see some amazing places this year . . . Montego Bay, San Diego, Islamorada, South Haven all were pretty awesome
As a parent I want to protect my kids from the things they do not get to enjoy as a result of the Pandemic. This is my gut instinct, but given the life of privilege they have been given perhaps not having all of the things they grew to believe they were entitled to will help them end up stronger. If that is the case, then maybe I should not worry about what they are missing out on in the short term.
If someone cares enough about me to tell me how it really is . . . then I think I have a real friend.
I know there is general fatigue related to educators talking about working conditions right now. That said, imagine working harder than you ever have at something and not being as good as you once were at it. That is education right now – on top of the implied health risk. Give grace.
Working out with my sons is one of the coolest parts of them getting older.
Cameo is a really cool idea I wish I remembered to use more.
Any tweet that starts with social experiment instantly makes me angry. Quit filling up my timeline looking for engagement boosts. Also – stop with telling me GO!! at the end of a social media post.
I have rediscovered the deliciousness of Keystone Light and it currently sits atop my bad beer hierarchy.
If someone told me doing something inconvenient gave me a 1 percent chance of living longer or a 1 percent chance of someone else living longer or a 1 percent chance the economy could rebound quicker I am pretty sure I would do it as much as I could. Wear a mask.
I LOVE when my kids get in trouble and they have no phone.
Most estimates are that 1/57 high school athletes will compete at the D1 level. If you are a betting man (which I am) or woman, I would say that figuring out how to leverage high school (and youth) athletics to teach your kid important life lessons is a much better use of your time than trying to turn them into the next superstar.
Shows binge-watched since March (in rank order): Money Heist, Homeland, Schitt’s Creek, Billions
Anthony used to tuck his head under my chin to cuddle each morning – seldom happens. Caroline used to ask for a ‘dance party’ every night after dinner – seldom happens. Enjoy those moments.
When you send a mass email . . . BCC everyone. That makes it impossible to fall into REPLY ALL hell
I had a mustache for over a month this year simply because it annoyed my sons
Things I miss most as a result of the Pandemic: TIED FOR FIRST PLACE – watching my kids compete and being able to see my parents
It is amazing the power of a strong, vocal minority on any issue even if their perspective is not reflective of the majority of people impacted. I did not realize this until living in small towns – although I assume this is probably pretty universal.
Why is good fried chicken so hard to find?
That is it . . . 2000 words on my random, meandering thoughts.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes . . . they are really and sincerely appreciated. Make it a great year.