I normally just jot notes in the book as I read them, but I borrowed this book so I had to take notes in some other manner. As it turns out, I will NEVER jot notes again and will instead keep a running list of notes in Google Docs so I can access it whenever I choose.
The good news is that I think there is a lot of great information in this book by Richard Flint – but the notes below come with a disclaimer. They are my notes. A lot of my lens and interpretation of what was said is within the snippets below. So, take this as a learning tool and not as a book review or book study – because it certainly is not exactly that.
As far as my overall thoughts on the book – I would highly recommend it. The nuggets and bits of wisdom throughout are REALLY well put together. The stories and vignettes, less so. But, if you want to interrogate your own thinking using a book as a tool – this is VERY good.
I hope you enjoy my takeaways below:
Behavior Never Lies – Book Takeaways
AUTHOR – Richard Flint
- Every day is binary – seek clarity or feed your confusion
- A contradiction between what is said and what is done costs reputation, trust, and confidence of others
- Leaders help other people see their way through their own confusion
- If fear trumps desire progress stops . . . if this is true with internal work then a person is trapped in SAMENESS
- Confusion is created when a person’s stated words are contradicted by their behavior
- A belief you will not allow to be challenged is only an opinion
- Opportunity is imagination based!! When imagination is stronger than emotions = motivation
- Success is not about what you want – success is about the price they will pay (in changed behavior) to obtain it
- Results are a basis of ONLY two ingredients – knowledge and behavior
- Knowledge that does not challenge is only information. Implementation of knowledge is ONLY visible through behavior
- NOT only personal implications – but when we do this as leaders it PARALYZES our people – * This means saying one thing and behaving another way.
- Circle of sameness . . . to break free we must face our life with HONESTY
- Just like systems are perfectly designed to produce the results they are . . . a person is perfectly designed to achieve what they are achieving
- Good intentions used as an excuse for not doing anything perpetuates circle of sameness
- Worst thing we can do as a leader is to support someone’s personal lies to themselves
- Behavior that is not challenged is validated.
- Consistency in behavior diminishes the idea of hidden agendas
- When a negative person is challenged they LIKELY will push to see if leader actually means ‘business’ or if they can wait it out, etc.
- Leading is about creating the environment that allows for personal growth and maximized potential and NOT about winning personal favor
- Behavior and accountability are inextricably linked
- BLAME is the buffer between behavior and accountability that kills all progress
- All behavior has intent
- Everyone has fears – contradictions in behavior bring that forward in any relationship – personal, work related, or leader to those they lead
- Thinking is largely just a reference library based on knowledge and experiences . . .
- Trust can be re-built, but it will never be the same
- Trust = participation, but with questions. TRUST, but VERIFY
- Contradictions lead to negative emotions
- Shatter idealisms
- Offset what one has been
- Lead people to not trust themselves (This was a monster takeaway for me)
- Most people live based on a script that they have created or has been created for them – thus . . . MOST PEOPLE LIVE CREATING THEIR OWN INNER CONFLICT
- Belief in self helps you to go OFF SCRIPT – continuing to go OFF SCRIPT helps you to create new possibilities for yourself
- All behavior not only has intent, but that means it has an agenda
- Foundation of everything is your own self-worth
- If we believe/know this – then as leaders are job is to create and build others self-worth
- Life is a line or a circle . . . either you are moving toward a destination or repeating your life year after year.
- Reminds me of the Todd Whitaker quote . . . some teachers are enerting the 14th year of teaching 3rd grade while others are teaching 3rd grade for the 14th year. We are doing life or life is doing us.
- When we examine life emotionally, we put artificially constraints on ourselves and our organizations
- When we examine life with a cognitive perspective and focus, we create parameters that allow for imagination and growth
- High emotion = low creativity
- Confrontation is putting the ISSUE above the INDIVIDUAL
- People MUST stop lying to themselves – this is where all progress ends
- Most people do everything they can to escape accountability. The most common tool to do so is BLAME
- PEOPLE WANT PERMISSION TO DO WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOW THEY SHOULD BE DOING – SO THAT IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT THEY HAVE SOMEONE TO BLAME.
- As leaders we must help people remove the excuses they are placing in front of themselves so they can do amazing work. When we TELL people what to do we remove their ownership and responsibility . . . and ultimately their accountability to the work.
- Can you affirm that each day you
- Have the possibility of improving
- Have the power to control that effort
- Relationships are somewhat binary in status
- Every day your relationships are either improving or regressing
- People in your life either add value or drain resources
- Increase emotions lead to decrease cognitive work . . . which means we default to our traditional personality patterns or ‘auto-drive’ // when we do this we start to live life like a circle instead of with trajectory
- Event + Response = Outcome. We only control the response
- Most people are living their life scattered, without clarity, emotional, and on-script – creating this circular pattern
- Pace is vital to growth – too fast we default to auto-pilot. Too slow and patterns over-take our drive to change.
- Three elements are king to drive personal growth and performance
- Knowledge – are you competent
- Self-awareness – do you know where you currently are, how you typically react, what is your ‘auto-pilot’
- Behaviors – BEHAVIOR NEVER LIES
MY TAKEAWAY PROJECT FOR MY TEAM
| Area to Consider | The most brutal truth you can use to describe the current state | What behaviors must YOU exhibit in order to see the change you desire (if change is needed) |
| Key Performance Metrics Data | ||
| Culture of your Department/ School | ||
| Your role on the Leadership Team | ||
| Your relationships with both your peers and those you lead | ||
| Your personal career trajectory | ||
| The key to this activity is being brutally honest with yourself on the differences between your intentions and your behavior. We judge ourselves based on intent, others on performance. Use this activity to tell yourself the truth of where you are at so you can mentally chart your path forward to start next year. |