“There’s going to be enough people in life that try to limit what you can do… Don’t limit yourself.”
Lorraine Wagner
When speaking on different topics, the topic frequently meanders to the topic of ego. I like to challenge the audience to attempt to define ego with as few words as possible. They oblige and almost always the definition I hear back is “sense of self”.
While that is the commonly understood definition and very similar to the definition you will see if you Google it, the connotation that most people associate with ego is far different. Almost every time the word ego is used in typical daily vernacular it is referring to someone with a perceived “big ego”. In this case, ego is associated with hubris or arrogance.
While this is technically not a wrong portrayal of the word ego, I will tell you that in my experience in leadership and coaching ego is often a limiting factor and not the one you think about with the unaware and brazen TV character that thinks he or she is better than everyone else. To explain, most people’s “sense of self” is what leads them to playing small far more often than playing big.
This is what I have learned from my work as it pertains to ego.
Your ego may be what is stopping you from applying for that job you want because the potential rejection would be damaging to your own self-image.
Your ego may be what is stopping you from beginning that blog or becoming active on social media because what if you spend all the time and energy necessary and nobody consumes your content. If that occurred and your ego was not healthy it would negatively impact your sense of self.
Your ego may be what is stopping you from having necessary leadership conversations because if some people in the organization do not like you as much as they do today YOU will not like YOU as much.
This list could go on and on, but hopefully you are starting to understand the concept of ego and its limiting impact on many people’s lives. The easiest way I explain ego and what I believe to be a healthy ego is to look at extreme highs and lows.
In the past month, I have been recognized with one of the top awards in my industry. Correspondingly, I put my name in the hat for something I really wanted and it did not go my way. After each occurrence, when I went home and put my head on the pillow each night – I felt the EXACT same way about myself. I did not feel better about myself after being recognized or worse after being rejected. I am comfortable in my own skin and (more importantly) in my own brain.
Leadership and career progress inherently means you will be wading into unknown and sometimes deep waters. You will be putting yourself at (figurative) risk. Developing a healthy ego will allow you to continue to take risks, to be rejected, and to keep moving forward. So, as you read this, I implore you to consider how your ego has been limiting you when it comes to taking chances, having difficult conversations, and being bold. After all, the only person who can change your sense of self – is you.
REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS TO GUIDE SOME THINKING
- What professional risk do you want to take but your internal voice tells you it is not worth it?
- What is one thing you want that you know is on the other side of fear?
- What are your core values, beliefs, and priorities? Do they guide your behavior or do you let fear and doubt take the wheel?
- Is it more important to you to be right or to do the right thing?
- Would the people you care about most in your life feel differently about you if you tried something earnestly and failed? If they wouldn’t, why would you?
THE BEST THING I READ/WATCHED THIS WEEK
The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins
I am going to be honest, about an hour into this read I thought it was a little too cutesy for me and almost put the book down. But, man am I glad I did not. Mel Robbins brings it in the last 80% of the book masterfully weaving in personal stories with neuroscience and psychology to amplify her points. Many self-development books say their thesis in the first 60 pages and then repeat themselves. This is the exact opposite. Work through the first chunk of the book and be rewarded as the book crescendos at the very close.
RECENT PIECES OF MY WORK
NEW PODCAST
Anchored in Education with E. Scott England
AND
WRITING
IASA: Leadership Matters
EdWeek: Things the Pandemic Revealed About Us
IL ASCD: Seeking Fit, Not Balance
EdWeek: Being a New Teacher Can Be Messy, But Thrilling
NEW COURSE ON ED LEADERS NETWORK