GUEST POST FROM DEANA SIMPSON @k5instructcoach
Happy New Year! Those words are full of great meaning for a new starts, dreams to fulfill, moments to hope and plan for, and even doors to pass through to get where we are intended to be. I should start this blog off by explaining first, the things that fill my cup so you know how I got here. I love time with my family, my friends, my faith, and yes, my profession. My profession fills and drains me every single day in only a way to describe that it’s exhilarating, thrill seeking, and such an adventure that feeds my soul for the next day to continue forward. Nope, I’m not an emergency worker nor a hazardous material handler; I’m a principal. Okay, maybe some days I am both of the above all kidding aside.
I find that the way to fill my cup when in need for peace is to read, read for purpose, pleasure, and quite frankly read anything that speaks to the cup I’m needing to fill at that very moment. I have many cups (as I imagine most of you do) as a mom, wife, friend, principal, sister, daughter, and the list goes on. This, is perhaps what led to my misunderstanding of the point of the old saying “you can’t fill from an empty cup.” I don’t know how I missed it? I was so busy focusing on the fact that my cup was empty that I didn’t know how to stop and do what I needed to do to fill it at the time. I didn’t understand that there was more to it. It’s much more than just filling the cup.
That being said, I have, over the past few months, been reading everything I can get my hands on to read about leadership, balance, and anything about doing this through the person I am. I clarify that because it’s important for me TO BE ME while doing this. I was chosen for this path for a reason so I know I can always improve, but it’s absolutely necessary to do that while I’m remaining true to myself. That’s what was intended. So you understand this idea isn’t mine you need to know what I’ve been reading lately. The list includes: Daring Greatly by Brene’ Brown, #FULLYCHARGED by Julie Adams, PJ Caposey, and Rosa Isiah, Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, Only Love Today by Rachel Macy Stafford, Culturize: Every Student. Every Day. Whatever It Takes by Jimmy Casas, You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero, Kids Deserve It!: Pushing Boundaries and Challenging Conventional Thinking by Todd Nesloney and Adam Welcome, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni, The Art of Coaching Teams: Building Resilient Communities that Transform Schools by Elena Aguilar, both videos and books from Jon Gordon, and of course my Christmas read The Christmas Star: A Novel by Donna VanLiere. These aren’t the only reads, but they are the ones that stand up for who I am and what I’m becoming. They show I believe in myself and others, have hope in that the best is yet to come, and that with anything that challenges me I will find a way to make it better and grow from it.
So let’s get back to this. There was an analogy shared with me earlier this week (and many other times in my professional life) that spoke about the proverbial saying that “you can’t fill from an empty cup.” We’ve all heard it, but I never thought about it deeply in the way that was intended when shared. I only thought about a full cup. I wasn’t thinking about the logic of it all and what really happens after. Never thought about the after at all; perhaps part of my journey in thinking past the present…thinking forward. I was too busy trying to figure out how to fill into others now regardless of my cup; always have. I kept thinking if I fill a little then I can give a little away but really never got it full enough to do what was intended by the saying. I was clearly missing the point of the full cup. I imagine many of us do.
Recently, three things happened in succession that allowed me to make this connection. I attended a movie by Rachel Hollis: Made for More, so to be clear the idea is hers and not mine, but it combined with the following two things helped me make sense of the meaning in my life and in education that leads to this blog. This morning my mentor, friend, and superintendent, PJ Caposey shared a piece with us from his co author and our friend Julie Adams. It was a piece about 5 Tips for a #FULLYCHARGED Brain. I immediately thought I’d share it with my staff family and was thinking about them immediately and sent a note back to PJ letting him know I’d share it but would keep it handy to remind myself when necessary.
It was at that moment when I was reading it again that my being plugged in with what Rachel Hollis shared that made the connection. It’s not about being just full or providing for my staff family, it’s about what happens after that when something is always full or already full. Basically, I forgot that when a cup is full and you already have the habit created to keep filling into it then it easily spills over into others as opposed to constantly trying to give from an almost empty cup all the time where you have nothing left to give others and more important, yourself. How many of us have a cup that is only half full or even less than that at times on any God given day and we still give to others and think we’ll fill it back up later only to find out later never comes? It doesn’t come, you have to make it, take it, and you deserve it. It makes so much sense. As the saying as goes, it isn’t meant to just fill the cup it’s meant to actually overflow the cup to the point where you or the cup overflow automatically. I never thought of it that way and Rachel, my hats off to you. (I hope you get the symbolism of my choosing to use the plural hats because that’s where it’s at.) I have so many hats I wear, and those of you reading this do too, so you’ll understand my humor.
So fill your cup until it overflows and spills intentionally into others. The cup is for you, the overflow is for others. I know you think that you don’t have time. Everyone always tells me I wish I had time to read like you especially when I share or recommend a great read (I do that a lot.) then they follow it with I don’t have time to read. I in turn walk away with my head hung down and my heart hurt feeling badly thinking that I’m doing something wrong or I’m selfish or I’m less because I have that time and made someone else feel less. No more…I’ve got news folks, I don’t have the time, I make the time because if I didn’t I couldn’t give any of what I’ve got to my family, my school family, my students, my faith, and yes…to me. Now, in the spirit of this blog I’m going to start off the New Year with the habit of reversing that order and begin with myself, my family, my school family, my students, and my faith. (This by no means is to say my faith doesn’t fill into all of those facets in life in no particular order – just had to be said – it’s definitely not last). I don’t have it all figured yet and I plan to keep on working on it, but maybe just maybe someone else out there needs to hear the same things I did in that very order. Maybe many of you figured it all out years ago, but I’ll bet there’s at least one person out there besides myself that never thought about the overflow either (and if I’m the only one, I don’t care, it’s worth saying out loud). Remember your cup is for you; it’s what happens after it’s full that changes everything and you can share with everyone else. Overflow and education are two words that seldom go hand in hand. Thanks for the share PJ, Julie, Rachel and all of my favorite authors above that helped me realize and own the “ah ha” moment. You have impeccable timing for reminders like this. Welcome 2019; my cup overfloweth!